I'm so sorry
I crossed the line, didn't I?
I am so sorry. I never would have called your home had I been thinking logically. I just did not see any harm with calling to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.
But you seemed so upset when you called me back. It really made me wonder about us and our relationship. And I wondered how you would react had I done something really wrong or bad. It scared me.
The question you asked me shocked me. What kind of question was that? I hung up the phone and could not go back to my family for a while. I hid behind a big tree in the backyard and cried - but only for a minute. Then I got mad. Who do you think you are asking me such a question? So, I wiped away my tears, put on my best fake smile and went back to the party.
But later, it hit me again. And all I could do was curl up on the bed -- skirt, boots and all -- and I cried silently. I really believed we were through because of my innocent but fatal mistake.
Even my s.o. asked me what was wrong and all I could answer was that I was so exhausted - mentally and physically - that it was making me sick.
I really was not lying. I felt sick to my stomach and I laid in bed unable to sleep. I finally went to the couch and fell asleep there. I got up and changed into pajamas at 2 a.m. and then spent the rest of the night half asleep and half awake. I slept with my cell phone and started staring at it at 5 a.m., waiting for some little message that never came. I was miserable, what can I say?
I really do not know if I can keep going like this. It is getting too hard. It is 7 a.m. now and I am still waiting for a call that may or may not come.....
I am so sorry. I never would have called your home had I been thinking logically. I just did not see any harm with calling to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.
But you seemed so upset when you called me back. It really made me wonder about us and our relationship. And I wondered how you would react had I done something really wrong or bad. It scared me.
The question you asked me shocked me. What kind of question was that? I hung up the phone and could not go back to my family for a while. I hid behind a big tree in the backyard and cried - but only for a minute. Then I got mad. Who do you think you are asking me such a question? So, I wiped away my tears, put on my best fake smile and went back to the party.
But later, it hit me again. And all I could do was curl up on the bed -- skirt, boots and all -- and I cried silently. I really believed we were through because of my innocent but fatal mistake.
Even my s.o. asked me what was wrong and all I could answer was that I was so exhausted - mentally and physically - that it was making me sick.
I really was not lying. I felt sick to my stomach and I laid in bed unable to sleep. I finally went to the couch and fell asleep there. I got up and changed into pajamas at 2 a.m. and then spent the rest of the night half asleep and half awake. I slept with my cell phone and started staring at it at 5 a.m., waiting for some little message that never came. I was miserable, what can I say?
I really do not know if I can keep going like this. It is getting too hard. It is 7 a.m. now and I am still waiting for a call that may or may not come.....
posted by Memory at 6:56 AM
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