on Civility and Decent Behaviour

Dearest Jefferson,

I have been so selfish. Please forgive me. I am sure I have broken plenty of the above-mentioned rules for civility and decent behavior.

I never want to have a day like today again.
But in the end, we made up and our relationship was saved.

I am so glad we finally talked today.
I love it when we can talk.
I love the sound of your voice.
Just hearing it calms me.

Of course, sometimes we do not need words.
Those times are beautiful too.

I love you, Jefferson. I do.
Thank you for loving me.

Yours forever,
Cosway



You say it best - when you say nothing at all
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
Allyson Kraus

dearest friend...

i am hoping you find your way onto this site again. it has been a long time since i last wrote anything here. today was a very odd day. we have had more than our share of frustrations. but i know that it all stems from being so far apart.

still.....
i do not know what to do.
i do not know how to make things right.

i am not sleeping with anyone. and there is no indication that it will happen. i wish you could believe that. i believe you when you tell me you are not sleeping with her. why can't you trust me?

as to the $1.99 african violets -- i was not putting the flowers down. yes, they are lovely. and i was not defending him. i just got irritated by the way you said it... putting them down compared to your $100-plus bouquets. it's not the amount spent on the flowers that matters - it is the love that they are given with, that matters.

do you even know what my favorite flower is? i bet you don't.

i love all of the flowers that you gave me - every time. yes, i did feel special and loved and spoiled.... but i would have loved you just the same if you had pulled up some sunflower growing on the side of the road and handed it to me with a kiss......

i am such a hopeless romantic.

and i love you still. so much that it hurts.

i miss you. why do you have to live so far away?

always,
m.c.

I'm so sorry

I crossed the line, didn't I?

I am so sorry. I never would have called your home had I been thinking logically. I just did not see any harm with calling to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

But you seemed so upset when you called me back. It really made me wonder about us and our relationship. And I wondered how you would react had I done something really wrong or bad. It scared me.

The question you asked me shocked me. What kind of question was that? I hung up the phone and could not go back to my family for a while. I hid behind a big tree in the backyard and cried - but only for a minute. Then I got mad. Who do you think you are asking me such a question? So, I wiped away my tears, put on my best fake smile and went back to the party.

But later, it hit me again. And all I could do was curl up on the bed -- skirt, boots and all -- and I cried silently. I really believed we were through because of my innocent but fatal mistake.

Even my s.o. asked me what was wrong and all I could answer was that I was so exhausted - mentally and physically - that it was making me sick.

I really was not lying. I felt sick to my stomach and I laid in bed unable to sleep. I finally went to the couch and fell asleep there. I got up and changed into pajamas at 2 a.m. and then spent the rest of the night half asleep and half awake. I slept with my cell phone and started staring at it at 5 a.m., waiting for some little message that never came. I was miserable, what can I say?

I really do not know if I can keep going like this. It is getting too hard. It is 7 a.m. now and I am still waiting for a call that may or may not come.....

Holidays

Dear Jefferson,
Last night was hard for the both of us. I'm so sorry. I wish we did not have to get so frustrated over miscellaneous things. I know you were not mad at me, just upset with our situations.

Holidays are not as much fun when you can not share them with the person you adore. Oh how I wish you were here with me. We would kiss under the mistletoe and make love by the fireplace.

I miss you.
But I will be with you soon.

Merry Christmas, darling.

love,
M.C.

Best Friend

You called me your best friend tonight. I really liked the sound of that. I can not stop smiling and I keep repeating the word to myself over and over. "Best Friend" -- I love that. You are certainly my best friend too.

First Day of Winter

It was cold last night. And for the first time since I have met you, I really cried.

I laid in bed and thought of our love and my heart was so tender and so fragile...

I laid there and just cried, tears rolling down. I wanted you. I needed you - physically this time.

I'm sorry for being weak, baby. I will be stronger.... I have to.

I smile when I think of you and I am counting the days...hours...minutes...until I see you and can be in your arms again.

love you.
miss you.
need you.

All I want for Christmas....

I received several gifts from you. Thank you, baby. I feel like a little kid, wanting to see what is inside. But, you do know what I really want, don't you? Just you!

Lately, every time I go shopping (including at three stores today alone) I hear Mariah Carey's song:

All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
You

I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is...
You

All I want for Christmas is you... baby